To Tell the Truth... on dating profiles

I have helped a few of my friends to create online dating profiles. Those things can be tough! Even tougher is going through them. I mean, you can create about any type of photo with photoshop. Some guys and gals don't even bother putting up photos at all. So here are some tips from someone that has done a lot of looking around (for others.)

1. Don't put up a picture with you and another woman whom you have obviously cut out. Really bad form, guy. Makes the lady wonder if she'll be the next cut out on your dating profile.

2. Don't put up a picture of you from several hundred years ago. Everyone ages. If you are that self concious stay off the dating site and get some help. Eventually he's going to notice you lied.

3.  Avoid putting down things like, "Must be thin and smoking hot." It makes you sound like a superficial moron. Being a moron is bad enough, but being a superficial moron is probably going to keep you alone for a long time to come. It's fine to prefer someone you find attractive, but seriously? Perhaps if you just have your mind set on eye candy there is a really good reason you aren't hitched.

4. Avoid putting up several pictures of yourself holding a can of beer. Beer drinking is fine, but if every single picture you have is of yourself partying and holding out a beer you might come across as a Jeff Foxworthy character. "He might be a redneck if..."

5. Don't just take what someone else says at face value. It's great to meet someone online, but meeting them in person might change your entire perception. If they are avoiding a face to face contact and have every excuse in the world that should be a HUGE warning sign.

6. Take advantage of things such as webcams to have conversations. This way you can get a basic look at him/her before sitting down to an awkward dinner. It can also help keep you from requiring your best friend to give you a bad date rescue call.

7.  Be honest. Don't lie on your profile and then expect everyone else to be telling the truth. Come on. Double standards are not a good way to start out looking for a relationship. Honesty may sometimes be painful, but it really is the best way to go.

8. Don't try to let someone you aren't interested in down easy. It's good to be kind, but sometimes that kindness may be taken the wrong way - such as causing them to think you are really interested even though you are trying to say you aren't. You don't have to be mean, just say something simple like, "It's been very nice talking to you, but I really don't think we click. I hope you find someone that you click with soon." Don't engage further in conversation where someone can make you feel guilty either. Once you cut it off leave it off.

9. Take recent pictures of yourself alone or with your pets. If you are a pet person make sure that the other person knows that up front. A lot of people aren't interested in someone that doesn't like animals. A lot more people consider their pets more like members of the family and not "just animals." Make it part of your profile if something is important to you.

10. Use recent pictures. Don't put up a picture from a year or more ago just because you like the way it makes you look more. If you don't like the way you look work on that first before you try dating. The most important relationship you can have is with yourself. After all, you are the only one that lives with you 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

And with all that said - try speed dating! You get to meet a lot of different types of people face to face without the awkwardness of wondering what they are like in person and drawing something up inside your head that ends up being way off the mark.  It can be an even more exciting possibility for someone whose mother or friends keep ragging on them to get out and meet someone. Imagine being able to say, "I had 12 dates just last week with different people." The look on their face would be priceless!

Modern Dating

It used to be that men went to places like laundry mats to pick up women. I mean, if they were doing laundry it meant they had a clean ethic, and her having qualities that his mother would like was very important. Of course that was only if he didn't meet his one true love in high school. If he did, they would fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Well, at least in movies. In real life - not so much, thus the divorce rate.

Let's look at some movie icons of romance. Elizabeth Taylor, who was a beautiful English actress and oozed romance was married eight times. Julia Roberts who wowed audiences with her large on screen presence and huge smile dated numerous high profile actors, was engaged a few times, and has been married twice. Sometimes you have to date some toads until you actually find a frog, I guess. And believe me, women can be toads too!

But it's not the manner in which you date that makes the difference. It's all a matter of the heart. It's also the manner in which society puts a lot of pressure on people to not be alone. Yet, in reality, sometimes being alone is what you actually need before settling down. Plus, people shouldn't be in such a rush to find the right person to spend their lives with. We rush everything. I mean, why do we need minute rice? It only takes 25 minutes to cook regular white rice, and believe me, there is a difference that is worth the wait.

It is true that we have busy lives. A lot of people don't like going to bars to try to pick up a potential date. What do all the television shows tell us that people that go to bars to pick up men or women? The women are all walking and breathing super models; except for the ones that might be interested in you. The men are all tall and muscular and heroic beings that just stepped off of the cover of a romance novel. Except, perhaps, the ones that would be interested in you. Most of us don't feel like super models or romantic heroes. And for those that do go into bars? Well, a stumbling drunk doesn't make for a very attractive prospect for long term dating.

That leaves us with online dating. Yes, the wonderful world of online dating. A plethera of singles just waiting for other singles to go online, see their picture, fall madly in love, and sweep them away. If only it were that simple.

In reality, you meet someone online after viewing their profile and picture. You strike up a great email conversation, move on to phone texting and phone calls. You believe that you discover great things about one another. Their online picture is in your head and you think how wonderful they sound over the phone. Then comes the face to face meeting. You find that they put up a picture that is either ten years old or must have been shot from an angle that you didn't know existed. You are so distracted by the difference in what you were mentally expecting that it becomes rather awkward. Or worse, you find out you like them, but they just aren't that into you. "This just isn't working for me," they say, "how about you? But we can still be friends." And that's the end. The weeks of expectation and hope have been dashed in less than five minutes flat.

So here is reality. You shouldn't settle. It's okay to be alone for a while. And sometimes you have to date a lot of toads before finding a frog. If you are dating, try dating a few people at one time - just not at the same time. Get to really know someone before taking the next step into that relationship roller coaster. And remember to meet face to face in a public location where you can take a little time to see how they really act and speak, and meet more than once if you find him or her interesting the first time.

After all, isn't the goal to reach that "Happily Ever After?"