Things That Can Screw Up a Relationship

Okay, let's face it. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you are destined for "happily ever after" status. Relationships are work. With the percentage of unhappy and/or divorcing couples it might even be safe to assume that many people sabotage their relationships.

There are some of the well known and publicized ideas of how and why relationships should or do work. You know the staples: communication; trust; respect; love. Knowing how to define them and how important they aren't doesn't guarantee you a life time of happiness, however. You actually have to practice them.

There are some other things that will definitely mess up a relationship. You'd think they would be obvious, but they happen a lot, so obviously not.

1. Don't compare your current relationship with your past relationship. The person you are with now is not the person you were with in your past. Duh. It's not fair that they either have to pay for the sins of your past nor have to live up to standards of being someone else. If the other relationship had been great it wouldn't have ended. Start fresh and learn to appreciate the person you are with - or don't and end it.
2.  Don't assume that your partner knows what you are thinking. You have an advantage of being able to read your own thoughts, but unless you are married to a martian mind reader they probably don't. Giving hints you think are clues isn't the same as coming out and just saying what is on your mind. Just spit it out if you want them to know. Yes, it might not be what you want, but in the long run it saves on a lot of frustration.
3. Regardless of how busy you are make time to spend with your partner. Everyone is busy, so that's really not a good excuse. If you have time to read or watch the news, read a book, or send a text you have time to give to your partner. One huge mistake people make is getting to feel too comfortable with the other person. It's not a road you want to take.
4. Be careful who you listen to when it deals with your relationship. Not all things are as it seems. Just because your good friend seems to have an amazing relationship on the outside doesn't mean it isn't WWIII on the inside behind closed doors. If you love the person you are with, then love them. If you really want to do something be prepared to make it happen yourself. It might be nice if they bought you roses or a box of candy, but if it isn't their style buy it for yourself and tell them, nicely, that you appreciate them, but you like to be spoiled. If they can't do it then you'll do it for yourself. It's important to never expect something out of someone that they can't give. If you can't do it and you just want them to change; you are with the wrong person.

I think the best advice you can have on a relationship is that if you can't live with the person you are with just how they are and love them - you don't really have a relationship, you have a project. Projects are work and not nearly as much fun.

After all, it's the spirits that actually matter and not the body. It is our spirit that makes us happy. Our spirits that love. Our spirits that sustain us. Physical love is not nearly as long lasting as spiritual love.

Oh, and remember this - relationships can drive you crazy, but it's a fun kind of crazy!