Things That Can Screw Up a Relationship

Okay, let's face it. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you are destined for "happily ever after" status. Relationships are work. With the percentage of unhappy and/or divorcing couples it might even be safe to assume that many people sabotage their relationships.

There are some of the well known and publicized ideas of how and why relationships should or do work. You know the staples: communication; trust; respect; love. Knowing how to define them and how important they aren't doesn't guarantee you a life time of happiness, however. You actually have to practice them.

There are some other things that will definitely mess up a relationship. You'd think they would be obvious, but they happen a lot, so obviously not.

1. Don't compare your current relationship with your past relationship. The person you are with now is not the person you were with in your past. Duh. It's not fair that they either have to pay for the sins of your past nor have to live up to standards of being someone else. If the other relationship had been great it wouldn't have ended. Start fresh and learn to appreciate the person you are with - or don't and end it.
2.  Don't assume that your partner knows what you are thinking. You have an advantage of being able to read your own thoughts, but unless you are married to a martian mind reader they probably don't. Giving hints you think are clues isn't the same as coming out and just saying what is on your mind. Just spit it out if you want them to know. Yes, it might not be what you want, but in the long run it saves on a lot of frustration.
3. Regardless of how busy you are make time to spend with your partner. Everyone is busy, so that's really not a good excuse. If you have time to read or watch the news, read a book, or send a text you have time to give to your partner. One huge mistake people make is getting to feel too comfortable with the other person. It's not a road you want to take.
4. Be careful who you listen to when it deals with your relationship. Not all things are as it seems. Just because your good friend seems to have an amazing relationship on the outside doesn't mean it isn't WWIII on the inside behind closed doors. If you love the person you are with, then love them. If you really want to do something be prepared to make it happen yourself. It might be nice if they bought you roses or a box of candy, but if it isn't their style buy it for yourself and tell them, nicely, that you appreciate them, but you like to be spoiled. If they can't do it then you'll do it for yourself. It's important to never expect something out of someone that they can't give. If you can't do it and you just want them to change; you are with the wrong person.

I think the best advice you can have on a relationship is that if you can't live with the person you are with just how they are and love them - you don't really have a relationship, you have a project. Projects are work and not nearly as much fun.

After all, it's the spirits that actually matter and not the body. It is our spirit that makes us happy. Our spirits that love. Our spirits that sustain us. Physical love is not nearly as long lasting as spiritual love.

Oh, and remember this - relationships can drive you crazy, but it's a fun kind of crazy!

Dating on a Budget

First dates are like first impressions - you can't take it back. You should also know that where you take your date displays your personality. They don't expect you to take them somewhere you hate, after all. However, one of the biggest mistakes a lot of people make is that they overspend for dates and learn to regret it later. If you want to act like you make the big bucks to impress someone they are going to catch on eventually. There is only so far you can make that dollar stretch.

So, with that said, let's just say that it's the quality of the date that really matters. If you put some thought and effort into it then you don't have to worry about the cost as much. Your date will see how awesome you are, and you can still pay your rent or mortgage the next month.

Now, if you have been dating a while, then you know you can take your date to your apartment/house or bring something cool to do to theirs. But, if it's a first date I can pretty much guarantee that they won't want to go to your place. They really don't know you, and it would probably feel a bit awkward. Awkward is not a way to start your date.

So, let's be creative!

1. Most cities or towns have a "downtown" area that is rather trendy. In Wisconsin we have a lot of buildings that are rather cool looking too! So, why not make a first photo date? Most cell phones have a camera, but if yours doesn't then go pick up a cheap disposable camera at the corner store. Walgreens has a two pack for about ten bucks, but you could even get lucky and find them in a dollar store. Decide on what you want to take pictures of - like coolest places on the Ave or funkiest dressed people, or even most interesting decor or structures. You'll think of something.

This idea gives you time to talk too. And if you want dinner there are all kinds of places in a downtown that are reasonable. Gyros are a cheap and fun food. Depending on the time you start, though, your date doesn't have to include food at all. Just fun!

Plus, after the first date you can use the excuse of getting the film developed as a reason for a second date.

2.  There is also the idea of a picnic dinner at a park, but this can be trick in colder places and won't work in colder weather. Or will it? Suppose you pack a picnic that is travel safe. You have it in the car so that you can share it on the way to your destination. Make sure you make something small, non-messy, and edible. The edible part is very important. Of course, this kind of picnic you really want to forgo the wine. Even those airplane type bottles are a big no-no for driving. Play it safe and bring bottles of water or a drink you know your date is fond of.

So, where are you going? There are several ideas for destinations. You could go to a place you know with an open night mic. You could check out wine tastings in the area. Most of these run around $5 and some are even free. Plan this out ahead of time. All good dates take a bit of planning. It's all in the details. Check on the online calendar and see what's going on in your area. Most newspapers have an event calendar online, but don't just trust that... look around. Check out bulletin boards, online sites, or even see what kind of events you can find on Facebook. You might be surprised at your options.

3. Now here is an idea that is rather out of the box, but I think it could be lots of fun. Take your date shopping! I know, it's dating on a budget, just wait. Figure out how much money you are able to spend and divide it by two. Tell your date that you are going to shop for your date and then head to the dollar store. If you decided on $20 then give her $10 to spend. If you decided on $10 then give him $5 to spend. You get the idea.

Now, tell your date to go and buy something that they would like to use or do on your date. The dollar store even has food items! Tell them that you will take ten or twenty minutes to shop and you will meet them out front and compare your items. Then together you can create a fun and new way to use what the two of you bought together.

For instance, if your date bought a dollar movie then you can ask if they want to watch it at your place or theirs. If they bought a dog collar you can go to the animal shelter and donate it and take some time looking at the animals. If they bought a book, you could find a comfortable place to sit down and read it to one another. Or if they bought bird seed, go to the park for a walk and spread it out for the wildlife.

Your options are endless.

Hopefully this gives you some ideas where you realize you don't have to spend a fortune to have fun or to win over the heart of someone. You just have to be creative and be yourself. Life and love will be a lot less disappointing that way!