What about Pheremones? And other magical sense.

I remember once my daughter wanting to go to a dance and be noticed. She was in high school. Like all girls she wanted to stand out in the crowd and find someone special. She had not been feeling very special. There were no boys that were particularly interested in her, and she just wanted to feel downright attractive to someone other than her parents. This is understandable.

So, I picked up a book that had some hints to bathing with some herbs and witch hazel. We put it all in the bath and that night she had at least three different boys that were interested. She never went without a boyfriend up until the day she married. (Her husband is very thankful she's going without boyfriends now.)

So, was it the herbs that brought out something special that boys found attractive, or did it just raise her confidence enough so that she carried herself better and was more noticed? Could she really have released pheromones naturally?

The answer is a big whopping "perhaps."

Today you can find companies that produce pheromone creams, lotions, and perfumes which promise to enhance your love life. But do they really work? Is it worth shelling out big bucks for a chance that you might get lucky?

Well, according to recent studies our sense of smell can actually create different moods and emotions in others. However, the human sexual pheromone is not easily identified, and science is still out on if it makes a difference in our sexual prowess.

Interesting enough, however, is that science has also determined that tears have a scent to them. As a matter of fact tears can actually reduce sexual arousal in men and lower their testosterone levels. Scientists wanted to see if gathering tears from crying women in a jar and having men smell them would bring out empathy or sympathy, but nope. Smelling the tears made them think that sex was definitely out of the question.

And although that sexual pheromone that is found in boars that make them raise their rear in expectation of satisfaction has been identified for the piggish creatures, those same pheromones do not have the same affect on human beings. As a matter of fact even after decades of study the little human pheromone has kept science guessing and has remained quite elusive.

But don't give up hope. Evidently from a study done in 2005 the olfactory glands were tested on gay men, straight men, and women via their perspiration. Sweaty t-shirts were used and the results were rather interesting. Gay men and heterosexual men both preferred the sweat smell of women. Women preferred the sweat smell of men whose DNA was far from their own, making scientists trigger the believe that women are attracted to men that could potentially father their children.

So, maybe spending the big bucks on pheromone scents won't really help you scientifically, but if they help boost your confidence that might be just as good.

It is easier than trying armpit sniffing after all.

To Tell the Truth... on dating profiles

I have helped a few of my friends to create online dating profiles. Those things can be tough! Even tougher is going through them. I mean, you can create about any type of photo with photoshop. Some guys and gals don't even bother putting up photos at all. So here are some tips from someone that has done a lot of looking around (for others.)

1. Don't put up a picture with you and another woman whom you have obviously cut out. Really bad form, guy. Makes the lady wonder if she'll be the next cut out on your dating profile.

2. Don't put up a picture of you from several hundred years ago. Everyone ages. If you are that self concious stay off the dating site and get some help. Eventually he's going to notice you lied.

3.  Avoid putting down things like, "Must be thin and smoking hot." It makes you sound like a superficial moron. Being a moron is bad enough, but being a superficial moron is probably going to keep you alone for a long time to come. It's fine to prefer someone you find attractive, but seriously? Perhaps if you just have your mind set on eye candy there is a really good reason you aren't hitched.

4. Avoid putting up several pictures of yourself holding a can of beer. Beer drinking is fine, but if every single picture you have is of yourself partying and holding out a beer you might come across as a Jeff Foxworthy character. "He might be a redneck if..."

5. Don't just take what someone else says at face value. It's great to meet someone online, but meeting them in person might change your entire perception. If they are avoiding a face to face contact and have every excuse in the world that should be a HUGE warning sign.

6. Take advantage of things such as webcams to have conversations. This way you can get a basic look at him/her before sitting down to an awkward dinner. It can also help keep you from requiring your best friend to give you a bad date rescue call.

7.  Be honest. Don't lie on your profile and then expect everyone else to be telling the truth. Come on. Double standards are not a good way to start out looking for a relationship. Honesty may sometimes be painful, but it really is the best way to go.

8. Don't try to let someone you aren't interested in down easy. It's good to be kind, but sometimes that kindness may be taken the wrong way - such as causing them to think you are really interested even though you are trying to say you aren't. You don't have to be mean, just say something simple like, "It's been very nice talking to you, but I really don't think we click. I hope you find someone that you click with soon." Don't engage further in conversation where someone can make you feel guilty either. Once you cut it off leave it off.

9. Take recent pictures of yourself alone or with your pets. If you are a pet person make sure that the other person knows that up front. A lot of people aren't interested in someone that doesn't like animals. A lot more people consider their pets more like members of the family and not "just animals." Make it part of your profile if something is important to you.

10. Use recent pictures. Don't put up a picture from a year or more ago just because you like the way it makes you look more. If you don't like the way you look work on that first before you try dating. The most important relationship you can have is with yourself. After all, you are the only one that lives with you 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

And with all that said - try speed dating! You get to meet a lot of different types of people face to face without the awkwardness of wondering what they are like in person and drawing something up inside your head that ends up being way off the mark.  It can be an even more exciting possibility for someone whose mother or friends keep ragging on them to get out and meet someone. Imagine being able to say, "I had 12 dates just last week with different people." The look on their face would be priceless!

The Chilvary Test

They say chivalry is dead, but it may just be dormant. Take the chilvary test and see where you rank, or where your guy ranks. This test is easy enough that you can take it for him.  Is he a keeper or a loser? Let's find out.

So, since chivalry is obviously supposed to be dead everyone starts out with -5 points. Hopefully it goes up from there.

1. On a date do you or does he:
    a. Always pay or offer to pay? (+10)
    b. Always pays or offers to pay even on his birthday? (+15)
    c. Expects you to go dutch (-5)
    d. Never has  money to pay for anything (-20)

2. If he/you see someone being attacked you/he:
    a. Doesn't hestiate to step in. (+20)
    b. Ignores it and move on thinking it's not his/your problem. (-20)
    c. Stay out of it but call 911. (+5)
    d. Video tape it for youtube. (-5)

3. The phrase you/he correlates on how women should be treated is:
     a. "Get in the kitchen, woman, and bring me dinner and a beer." (-20)
     b. "Don't worry your pretty little head over it, honey. Let the men take care of it." (-10)
     c. "Behind every good man is an even better woman." (+10)
     d. "No woman will ever be as good as my mom." (+5)

4. If he/you had a theme song it would be most like:
    a. "The All American Hero." (+10)
    b. "She Was Asking For It." (-20)
    c. "She's a Lady." (+5)
    d. "Don't Take the Girl." (+20)

5. Sitting on a crowded subway car he/you would:
     a. Offer your/his seat to a pregnant woman or elderly woman (+20)
     b. Pretend you don't see anyone and mind your own business. (-5)
     c. Push/yell at people to give you some freaking room. (-20)
     d. Offer your/his seat to a hot chick to score. (-15)

6.  It's his/your birthday party and the girlfriend/wife is drunk, falls, and needs stitches in the ER. So,
     a. You/he asks someone to take her so you can keep partying. (-5)
     b. Stop everything to take care of her and ensure her that it's okay. She's more important than a party. (+20)
     c. Take her to the ER, but make sure she knows how pissed you are. (-10)
     d. Make her wait to go to the ER until after the party. Who cares if she scars? (-20)

7.  You are all out camping and a grizzly bear appears. He/you
      a. yell, "Every man for himself!" and run for cover never looking back. (-20)
      b. Make yourself/himself huge and tell everyone else to get in the car slowly. (+20)
      c. Lay down and play dead hoping the grizzly goes for someone else. (-10)
      d. Throw food in front of the grizzy to buy everyone time to get in the car. (+10)

8.  If you/he could have any one of these super powers, which would it be?
     a. X-ray vision to be able to see everyone naked. (-20)
     b. Powers of persuasion so everyone would do your/his bidding. (-10)
     c. Super strength to keep his family and loved ones safe. (+20)
     d. Mind reading so you/he can know what everyone is thinking. (+5)

9. You/he is out to dinner. His best friend mentions that your/his girlfriend really shouldn't have dessert, she's looks like she's had one too many already. You/he:
     a. Tell him to go to hell. Your/his girl is super fine and can have whatever she wants. (+10)
     b. Agree. You/he think(s) women should stay fit and trim to keep their man happy. (-20)
     c. Snicker, because it's funny wishing you/he had the guts to tell her that. (-10)
     d. Get up and walk out with the girl. Anyone that is that mean and disrespectful isn't anyone's friend. Let him know that if times were different you'd/he'd slug him for insulting your/his girl. (+20)

10.  The one old fashioned value that you/he most embraces is:
        a. Opening doors for women. (+15)
        b.  Expecting dinner to be ready when he comes home from work. (-10)
        c. A man rules the house - it's his kingdom. (-20)
        d. Honesty is next to Godliness. (+5)

Score:

Over 100: A keeper! You are right up there with Sir Lancelot and Casanova, baby. You have the moves and the chilvalry that others thought were dead. You are the guy that every woman wants and every man who isn't you hears about it from his wife. He secretly hates you and wants to find your flaws. We wouldn't be surprised if you own a white horse and shining armor.

 40 - 99 -  You have potential. Even though you aren't entirely chivalrous and you have faults, eh. On a scale from 1-10 you're a definite 5. Have you considered charm school? No? We aren't surprised. While you may not be Prince Charming, you certainly aren't quite the frog prince.

30 - 40 - How many relationships have you have that have failed? We think probably quite a few. Remember Stanley from "A Street Car Named Desire?" I'm sure the two of you are probably related. Thankfully you have probably dropped using the club and pulling your woman into the bedroom by her hair, but you aren't that far from your cave man ancestors. Your favorite word might be "ugh." Unfortunately you are probably still quite pleased with yourself.

Under 40. - There is no polite way to say this, so here goes, you are the reason that people think chilvary is dead. However, you put the ick in dick.



   

Dating After a Breakup

So, one question a lot of people have is "how soon after a break up should I begin dating?" Unfortunately there is no simple answer for that. It doesn't come packaged in a nice neat mathematical equation. (Which for those that are mathematically challenged are probably doubly thankful.) However, there are some things you may want to take into consideration.

I think the most difficult thing my friends that have returned to the dating world found is the advice of "take it slow." They have somehow lost, in their time living in long term relationships, the concept of time. After a relationship breakup you need some time for yourself. You need time to grieve a bit and to get your bearings. This is especially important after living with someone for any number of years. Living alone isn't easy, but it is necessary. You regain respect for yourself and gain a lot when you are able to show you can be independent. You will make better relationship choices too. It's amazing how wonderful it is to know you can stand on your own two feet. Most pyschologists recommend a year after a divorce to start dating. Common sense says that you should, at the very least, wait until the divorce is final. Take this time to reconnect with old friends that may have slipped by while you were unhappy and going through your breakup. If you lost friends, do something where you can meet new ones. Take a class. Join the gym. Don't mope.

It's really not a good to have that feeling that you have to be in a relationship. That is a sure sign that you aren't ready for one. It's almost a given that you are willing to overlook a lot of faults in a person just so you have someone in your life. This puts you in a cycle of being miserable, adds to the possibility of depression, and adds to the possibilty of another breakup in your near future. The one thing I've noticed with my friends that start dating after a breakup or divorce is they make excuses for the guy they are dating. He makes them pay, but it's okay, he'll catch it next time. (Never happens.) He doesn't like their friends, but that's okay, they'll make time anyway. (Never happens. In this case they actually make her feel guilty for going with friends.) Other women are calling him, but he never knows who they are. Just wrong numbers or someone that got the wrong idea from a text. (Then why did he have their name in his phone with their number?) Desperation makes you believe anything in order to keep reality at bay. Desperation also means you are really not ready for a relationship.

The next thing is to consider your feelings for your ex. Do you harbor hatred? Not a good sign. Contrary to popular belief the opposite of love isn't hate - it's apathy. That hatred you are feeling extends in a lot of negative directions in your life. Not only does it show you aren't ready for a new relationship; it shows that you are still emotionally attached to your previous one. There are enough obstacles in new relationships that you really don't need to be bringin baggage from a previous one. This is another good reason to take time for yourself and truly get ready to move on in life.

Here is another thing to think about: are you attracted to the same kind of person? It didn't work the first time, so why are you following the same pattern of destruction? Sure, a lot of people like bad boys or fast girls, but is that really wise? If you are looking for happiness and know that isn't where it lies why waste your time hurting yourself over and over again? New beginnings can be wonderful. Let go of past ideas that didn't work and try something and someone totally new. Remember, you can date more than one person at a time. Dating, in spite of what some people believe, is not the same as having sex. Once you take the new person into the bedroom you've changed all the rules.

Okay, now here is the hardest one to accept. Even if your ex was a lying cheating so and so, you were part of that relationship. You stayed there. You married or lived with them on your own terms and maybe even despite warning from other people. You have to come to terms and accept your part in the responsibility of the break up. It isn't just the other person who is to blame. Until you assume your responsibility for your part you won't be able to move on and have a healthy relationship. You truly need to understand what happened in your relationship that made it break apart. Once you do that you won't have that same trouble again. You'll be free.

So, if you can look at this and say, "yep, I am so ready to find someone new" go for it! There is a big wide world waiting for you. So, good luck and happy dating!