Dating Older Women

 Men in history have had it easy. There was absolutely no stigma for an older man to date a younger woman. On the contrary, he would get a wink and an elbow bump from the guys for snagging himself a little cutie. But there was a serious double standard for women in the past. An older woman dating a younger man was a travesty. There were woman in the past in the US that actually hid the age of themselves or their husband if the husband was younger to avoid being ostracized. The reasons? Simple. Older women were not as child bearing ready as younger women. However, today, not everyone is looking to procreate. Older men are more financially stable than younger men. Not necessarily true. Our job market is changing daily.

So, what reasons do younger men look to older women? Benjamin Franklin had some ideas on the reasoning, and he was a genious. He said (paraphrasing):

1. Older women are more worldly, have more to talk about, and have seen and know a lot that will keep a man interested.
2. Older women are kinder than younger women and take better care of you. (He also notes that even though they aren't as pretty as younger ones, etc., to which I don't necessarily agree. This day and age of makeovers and moisturizers are keeping older women on the hot list.)
3. Older women are less likely to get pregnant. (Well, we all know what good old Ben was doing during his lifetime, so no surprise he sticks this in here.) He also noted that pregnancy could become an inconvenience.
4. They are better and cleaner than prostitutes. (Yep, Ben has sex on his mind for certain.) Older women are more discreet when it comes to sex than younger women. Not that I've seen many women running around yelling about their sexual experiences on a regular basis, but perhaps. He also states that people could forgive an older woman for having sex with a younger man more easily than forgiving a younger woman for giving up her goods at all. My my how times have changed.
5. Okay, now this some may find offensive, but please, remember that Ben said this and not myself. He says that even though the muscles at the top of the body on an older woman may lack some contour, that her lower extremities that matter are still ready and raring to go. A man won't be able to tell the difference on the down under.
6. Ben says there is less sin in sexual encounters with an older  de-virginized woman than "debauching" a virgin. Wouldn't Ben be surprised today? Evidently making someone a non-virgin ruins their life.
7. You will make a young woman miserable, but you will make an old woman happy. Evidently older women are less demanding and expect less. I'm starting to think good ole Benjamin Franklin didn't know much about women at all.
8. Finally, Ben says that older women will be so grateful for the act. Really, Ben? This coming from a man with a 15 year old common law wife and a slew of mistresses?

In truth there are studies show pros and cons for both ways. In the long run it's not the age that matters, but the quality of the relationship and the compatibility of the people involved.

I personally have been on both ends of the spectrum. I married an older man and the marriage didn't last due to me growing in a different direction after a while. I then married a younger man and we are perfectly happy and still going strong. We communicate better.

The one thing I do agree with Benjamin Franklin on is marriage. If you find the right person then do it
... well, don't just do it... put a ring on a finger, say the words, and mean it.

Things That Can Screw Up a Relationship

Okay, let's face it. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you are destined for "happily ever after" status. Relationships are work. With the percentage of unhappy and/or divorcing couples it might even be safe to assume that many people sabotage their relationships.

There are some of the well known and publicized ideas of how and why relationships should or do work. You know the staples: communication; trust; respect; love. Knowing how to define them and how important they aren't doesn't guarantee you a life time of happiness, however. You actually have to practice them.

There are some other things that will definitely mess up a relationship. You'd think they would be obvious, but they happen a lot, so obviously not.

1. Don't compare your current relationship with your past relationship. The person you are with now is not the person you were with in your past. Duh. It's not fair that they either have to pay for the sins of your past nor have to live up to standards of being someone else. If the other relationship had been great it wouldn't have ended. Start fresh and learn to appreciate the person you are with - or don't and end it.
2.  Don't assume that your partner knows what you are thinking. You have an advantage of being able to read your own thoughts, but unless you are married to a martian mind reader they probably don't. Giving hints you think are clues isn't the same as coming out and just saying what is on your mind. Just spit it out if you want them to know. Yes, it might not be what you want, but in the long run it saves on a lot of frustration.
3. Regardless of how busy you are make time to spend with your partner. Everyone is busy, so that's really not a good excuse. If you have time to read or watch the news, read a book, or send a text you have time to give to your partner. One huge mistake people make is getting to feel too comfortable with the other person. It's not a road you want to take.
4. Be careful who you listen to when it deals with your relationship. Not all things are as it seems. Just because your good friend seems to have an amazing relationship on the outside doesn't mean it isn't WWIII on the inside behind closed doors. If you love the person you are with, then love them. If you really want to do something be prepared to make it happen yourself. It might be nice if they bought you roses or a box of candy, but if it isn't their style buy it for yourself and tell them, nicely, that you appreciate them, but you like to be spoiled. If they can't do it then you'll do it for yourself. It's important to never expect something out of someone that they can't give. If you can't do it and you just want them to change; you are with the wrong person.

I think the best advice you can have on a relationship is that if you can't live with the person you are with just how they are and love them - you don't really have a relationship, you have a project. Projects are work and not nearly as much fun.

After all, it's the spirits that actually matter and not the body. It is our spirit that makes us happy. Our spirits that love. Our spirits that sustain us. Physical love is not nearly as long lasting as spiritual love.

Oh, and remember this - relationships can drive you crazy, but it's a fun kind of crazy!

Pick Up Lines Through the Ages

Times do change. Here are some pick-up lines from old movies and other sources. You might not want to use some, as they could possibly get you arrested, and no one looks that great in an orange jumpsuit.

1930's

"You aren't only cute, you're smart too." ("Marie Gallant" 1934)
"You want to save my life? Get me a drink." ("And So They Were Married" 1936)
"Hello, handsome. I'm a Grass Widow. You can go as far as you like." ("Behind Office Doors" 1931. Grass widow is: a discarded mistress; a woman who had a child out of wedlock; a divorced woman.)
"Speak to me or something, will you? Am I a leper?" ("Animal Kingdom" 1932)

1940's

"Was that cannon fire, or was that my heart pounding?" ("Casablanca" 1942)
"Give me a kiss or I'll sock you." ("The Postman Always Rings Twice" 1946. Highly not recommended you use this one. I'm sure it would be taken as a threat and not at all charming.)
"Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?" ("The Major and the Minor" 1942)
"You know, there are only two things more beautiful than a good gun: a Swiss watch or a woman from anywhere." (Red River 1948)

1950's

"That's, uh, quite some dress you almost have on. What holds it up?" ("An American In Paris" 1951)
"I was looking up. It was the nearest thing to heaven. You were there." ("An Affair to Remember 1957)
"Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." ("A Streetcar Named Desire" 1951
"Don't you think it's better for a girl to be preoccupied with sex than occupied?" ("The Moon is Blue" 1953)

1960's

"The only question I ever ask any woman is, 'What time is your husband coming home?" ("Hud" 1963)
"Would you like me to seduce you? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" ("The Graduate" 1967)
"I don't bite, you know. Unless it's called for." ("Charade" 1963)
"Here you are baby. Take this; wipe the lipstick off; slide over here; and let's get started." ("The Nutty Professor 1963)

1970's

"I think your clothes are made of kryptonite. We need to get rid of those immediately." ("Superman" 1978)
"My lips are hot! Kiss my hot lips!" (M*A*S*H 1970)
"How do you like your hero? Over easy or sunny side up?" ("Last Tango In Paris" 1972)
"What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred and forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?" ("The Goodbye Girl 1977)

1980's

"I find your lack of nudity disturbing." ("Star Wars: Return of the Jedi" 1983)
"Your mouth says, 'Shields Up!" but your eyes say that a hull breech is imminent." ("Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" 1982)
"How would you like to have a sexual encounter so intense it could conceivably change your political views?" ("The Sure Thing" 1985)
"You wanna dance or would you rather just suck face?" ("On Golden Pond" 1981)

1990's

"Listen, I appreciate this whole seduction thing you have going, but let me give you a tip. I'm a sure thing. Okay?" ("Pretty Woman" 1990)
"Let me ask you a question, and be honest. Do I make you horny?" ("Austin Powers: Man of Mystery" 1997)
"I feel a great disturbance in my pants." (Star Wars: The Phantom Menace 1999)
"Well, aren't you the sweetest little thing?" ("Army of Darkness" 1992)

2000's

"I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' your chest." ("Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest" 2006
"My sister can see the future. Let me give you a clue. It's ME + You." ("Twilight" 2008)
"I want to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets." ("Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" 2002)
"We ask ourselves, 'Is she Black? Is she White?' We don't care. She's exotic. I want to see more of her breasts." ("Glitter" 2001)

2010's

"In my experience the prettier the girl is, the more nuts she is, which makes you insane." ("Blue Valentine" 2010)
"You give me premature ventricular contractions." ("No Strings Attached" 2011)
"You look like a guy who is interested in a one-day rental, if you know what I mean." ("This Means War" 2012)
"You should be kissed every day, every hour, every minute." ("The Lucky One" 2012)

Dating on a Budget

First dates are like first impressions - you can't take it back. You should also know that where you take your date displays your personality. They don't expect you to take them somewhere you hate, after all. However, one of the biggest mistakes a lot of people make is that they overspend for dates and learn to regret it later. If you want to act like you make the big bucks to impress someone they are going to catch on eventually. There is only so far you can make that dollar stretch.

So, with that said, let's just say that it's the quality of the date that really matters. If you put some thought and effort into it then you don't have to worry about the cost as much. Your date will see how awesome you are, and you can still pay your rent or mortgage the next month.

Now, if you have been dating a while, then you know you can take your date to your apartment/house or bring something cool to do to theirs. But, if it's a first date I can pretty much guarantee that they won't want to go to your place. They really don't know you, and it would probably feel a bit awkward. Awkward is not a way to start your date.

So, let's be creative!

1. Most cities or towns have a "downtown" area that is rather trendy. In Wisconsin we have a lot of buildings that are rather cool looking too! So, why not make a first photo date? Most cell phones have a camera, but if yours doesn't then go pick up a cheap disposable camera at the corner store. Walgreens has a two pack for about ten bucks, but you could even get lucky and find them in a dollar store. Decide on what you want to take pictures of - like coolest places on the Ave or funkiest dressed people, or even most interesting decor or structures. You'll think of something.

This idea gives you time to talk too. And if you want dinner there are all kinds of places in a downtown that are reasonable. Gyros are a cheap and fun food. Depending on the time you start, though, your date doesn't have to include food at all. Just fun!

Plus, after the first date you can use the excuse of getting the film developed as a reason for a second date.

2.  There is also the idea of a picnic dinner at a park, but this can be trick in colder places and won't work in colder weather. Or will it? Suppose you pack a picnic that is travel safe. You have it in the car so that you can share it on the way to your destination. Make sure you make something small, non-messy, and edible. The edible part is very important. Of course, this kind of picnic you really want to forgo the wine. Even those airplane type bottles are a big no-no for driving. Play it safe and bring bottles of water or a drink you know your date is fond of.

So, where are you going? There are several ideas for destinations. You could go to a place you know with an open night mic. You could check out wine tastings in the area. Most of these run around $5 and some are even free. Plan this out ahead of time. All good dates take a bit of planning. It's all in the details. Check on the online calendar and see what's going on in your area. Most newspapers have an event calendar online, but don't just trust that... look around. Check out bulletin boards, online sites, or even see what kind of events you can find on Facebook. You might be surprised at your options.

3. Now here is an idea that is rather out of the box, but I think it could be lots of fun. Take your date shopping! I know, it's dating on a budget, just wait. Figure out how much money you are able to spend and divide it by two. Tell your date that you are going to shop for your date and then head to the dollar store. If you decided on $20 then give her $10 to spend. If you decided on $10 then give him $5 to spend. You get the idea.

Now, tell your date to go and buy something that they would like to use or do on your date. The dollar store even has food items! Tell them that you will take ten or twenty minutes to shop and you will meet them out front and compare your items. Then together you can create a fun and new way to use what the two of you bought together.

For instance, if your date bought a dollar movie then you can ask if they want to watch it at your place or theirs. If they bought a dog collar you can go to the animal shelter and donate it and take some time looking at the animals. If they bought a book, you could find a comfortable place to sit down and read it to one another. Or if they bought bird seed, go to the park for a walk and spread it out for the wildlife.

Your options are endless.

Hopefully this gives you some ideas where you realize you don't have to spend a fortune to have fun or to win over the heart of someone. You just have to be creative and be yourself. Life and love will be a lot less disappointing that way!

What happens to 50 year old Gangstas?

I recently watched an episode of "Celebrity Wife Swap." Before you start rolling your eyes and thinking bad things about my choices, just read on a bit. I'm not a fan or anything, I read a review and was curious.

The episode had Mark McGrath and Coolio swapping wives. The only thing was, Coolio didn't have a wife. He had a girlfriend, with three children. Of course, I really knew nothing before this show except that Coolio had done one hit song - "Gangsta Paradise," - and that he fought Weird Al on his paradoy song, "Amish Paradise." Now I know there isn't really much else to know

I found out through the show that he was living with Mimi and her three kids. She was also amazing, only he didn't see it. He took her totally for granted. She took care of the house and worked two jobs in Vegas as a bartender and as an exotic dancer. Mrs. McGrath was astounding as she scrubbed the house down like an unpaid maid while Coolio snored away in the bed without a concern in the world for her or the kids. Unlike most women who would have taken a skillet to his head, she very graciously mentioned it to him. However, his hearing was either impaired or he has learned to tune out unwanted sounds. It makes one wonder how Mimi lived like that for six years.

Before you go getting all judgy on Mimi, she is a very smart woman. She realized that she deserved and wanted better in her life. She walked into Mark McGrath's house with confidence and quiet determination. She never once criticized their life, but made careful observations. She was kind, patient, comptent, and very caring.

During the episode I felt badly for McGrath's wife, Carin. She tried so hard to get Coolio to get a clue and participate. The truth? Coolio is more interested in being a 50 year old gangsta trying to stay 20 than he is in becoming a 50 year old adult male in a mature relationship. This became obvious when Carin asked about his age and he raised an eyebrow asking if she was looking to irritate him.

Come on, guy. You are a 50 year old man wearing pig tails and you want someone to take you: seriously? You say you want a relationship, but you don't show you really care about the person you are in a relationship with. Oh, and on a side note: playing golf doesn't make you all grown up. Have you even seen the movie "Caddie Shack?" ("Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity!")


It is sad that at the end of the show we learn that instead of appreciating such a great gal in his life Coolio let her move along. All she asked for was a little more attention and consideration. She told him that their relationship "sucked." She needed changes. Evidently it's easier to teach an old dog than it is to teach an old gangsta.  He would have rather been playing golf and doing his own "thang" then sitting at a table listening about how other people felt.

I think Coolio still wishes it was 1995. But honey, that was 18 years ago. Move on up to the future with the rest of us. While you're at it; drop the attitude that women are here merely to service you, or you'll find yourself alone for a very, very, long time to come. He lost his woman after they appeared on the show.

In the end, we learn that the awesome Mimi is not only continuing to support herself and her three children on her own, but that she took on another job of going to school. She'll do fine. Whomever she ends up with is one lucky guy.

What we learn from this entire episode is that you don't have to put up with crap from any relationship. If they aren't willing to give you what you need you don't have to settle.

Worse Date Ever!

Everyone has been on bad dates. I mean, I have been on a date where the guy had zero money. He took me to the lake for a moonlight walk on the first date. I was okay with that. Dating isn't about how much money a guys spends. It's on the quality of what a good time you have. If a woman is going out with a guy just so he spends money on her - well, that's an entirely different topic.

The worse date I have ever experienced has to be where we went to see a scary movie. I didn't really want to go on this date in the first place, but the guy asked me and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He was kind of an underdog. After this date, I think I figured out why.

We get into the movies and things are relatively normal. However, I was a bit thankful the movie was going to start soon. He constantly was talking about himself and all the wondrous glory that was him. How lucky I was that I accepted to be on a date with him. How intelligent he was. Everything that he thought I should know about him so that I didn't miss any detail. By this point, I wanted to miss all the details. I was polite, though. My mommy always said that I should smile and be polite even in the face of adversity. Believe me, I was feeling mighty adverse at this point.

I was thankful when the movie started. Although that was a short lived thankful moment. The guy was actually screeching in fear at the movie. Not the little "oh!" startled moment. Nope. He was actually competeing with the characters on the film who were on the verge of being maimed, murdered, and/or eaten alive.

I sunk a bit in my seat, hoping there was no one in the theater that would recognize me. I moved over in my seat about as far as the seat rails would allow. They don't make those seats nearly wide enough, by the way. My biggest fear at this time was that the guy would wind up in my lap.

Why take a girl to a spooky movie if you can't handle your scare? It's a question that may never be answered to my satisfaction.

You would think at this point that it would be the end of the worse night ever as he drove me home. One would hope, but one would be wrong.

As we pulled into the driveway of my house, after listening to his "Ode to Self" on the way home and how he completely puts himself into the movies he watches. (This I noticed. Unfortunately he was a survivor and not a victim, in this case.) I had reached my politeness breaking point.

He looks at me and tells me, "I'm going to let you kiss me now." I was astounded. Let me kiss him? He's lucky I didn't smack him upside the head and cause him more brain damage.

I simply replied with all the nice Southern Hospitality I could muster, "Don't do me any favors."

I got out of the car and walked away. There was never a second date.

The moral of the story is this: If you are on a very bad date, end it. Don't torture yourself or the other person with thinking they have a chance. Be kind, but honest. Simply say, "I'm sorry, but I'm really not having a good time and I think I am going to go home now. Thank you for meeting me."

In the meantime, how about sharing some of your own bad dating experiences? It could be fun and helpful to others!

Modern Dating

It used to be that men went to places like laundry mats to pick up women. I mean, if they were doing laundry it meant they had a clean ethic, and her having qualities that his mother would like was very important. Of course that was only if he didn't meet his one true love in high school. If he did, they would fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Well, at least in movies. In real life - not so much, thus the divorce rate.

Let's look at some movie icons of romance. Elizabeth Taylor, who was a beautiful English actress and oozed romance was married eight times. Julia Roberts who wowed audiences with her large on screen presence and huge smile dated numerous high profile actors, was engaged a few times, and has been married twice. Sometimes you have to date some toads until you actually find a frog, I guess. And believe me, women can be toads too!

But it's not the manner in which you date that makes the difference. It's all a matter of the heart. It's also the manner in which society puts a lot of pressure on people to not be alone. Yet, in reality, sometimes being alone is what you actually need before settling down. Plus, people shouldn't be in such a rush to find the right person to spend their lives with. We rush everything. I mean, why do we need minute rice? It only takes 25 minutes to cook regular white rice, and believe me, there is a difference that is worth the wait.

It is true that we have busy lives. A lot of people don't like going to bars to try to pick up a potential date. What do all the television shows tell us that people that go to bars to pick up men or women? The women are all walking and breathing super models; except for the ones that might be interested in you. The men are all tall and muscular and heroic beings that just stepped off of the cover of a romance novel. Except, perhaps, the ones that would be interested in you. Most of us don't feel like super models or romantic heroes. And for those that do go into bars? Well, a stumbling drunk doesn't make for a very attractive prospect for long term dating.

That leaves us with online dating. Yes, the wonderful world of online dating. A plethera of singles just waiting for other singles to go online, see their picture, fall madly in love, and sweep them away. If only it were that simple.

In reality, you meet someone online after viewing their profile and picture. You strike up a great email conversation, move on to phone texting and phone calls. You believe that you discover great things about one another. Their online picture is in your head and you think how wonderful they sound over the phone. Then comes the face to face meeting. You find that they put up a picture that is either ten years old or must have been shot from an angle that you didn't know existed. You are so distracted by the difference in what you were mentally expecting that it becomes rather awkward. Or worse, you find out you like them, but they just aren't that into you. "This just isn't working for me," they say, "how about you? But we can still be friends." And that's the end. The weeks of expectation and hope have been dashed in less than five minutes flat.

So here is reality. You shouldn't settle. It's okay to be alone for a while. And sometimes you have to date a lot of toads before finding a frog. If you are dating, try dating a few people at one time - just not at the same time. Get to really know someone before taking the next step into that relationship roller coaster. And remember to meet face to face in a public location where you can take a little time to see how they really act and speak, and meet more than once if you find him or her interesting the first time.

After all, isn't the goal to reach that "Happily Ever After?"